You know how phones in cartoons seem to swell and they clatter around or shoot
up off the desk when they're ringing?
Motel 6 got it's phones from Warner Brothers, I swear...
A 118 dB phone seizure (which equates to "Commercial Jet Taking Off" according
to "Sound System Engineering" by Don & Carolyn Davis... little industry talk
for ya) can scare the morning waters out of a guy, especially on only about
five hours' sleep... turns out we were the only room to request a wake up
call... Hazdra and Corso slept until about 1:30p, which explains why the gear
was so late to Milwaukee... but I'll get to that...
After the tooth rattling phone assault, the next rude awakening was the fact
that it was freezing in our room... STILL... but I saw Scott turn the heater
on "HI" when we crashed...
"What's with the %#@! HEAT, man?"
"Oh... that... well... I woke up and it was really hot over here (Scott slept
in the bed by the heater), so I turned it OFF..."
Note To Self: When rooming with Scott during winter tour, I must remember to
angle him towards the other bed... longer walk to the can over sleeping crew
members but at least it can be done without loss of feeling to one's
extremities...
After quick showers (Scott removed the shower head again to facilitate soap
removal... soft water is weird... you NEVER feel like the soap is off...) we
hit the road for Milwaukee... well, SOME of us did... it's a good six hour
ride give or take from Ames and when we got on the road the fog still hung
thick over the highway... we saw two vehicles that had obviously left the road
in the fog and had rolled over down the embankment, which brought the previous
evening's drive back into sharp focus (see RRP for Ames, IO 1/14/99 for
details)...
It was around noon when we got driving and the call was made to stop at the
famous
I-80 Truck Stop And Gift Shop for lunch...
... and if I ever received a "gift" from such a shop, I'd have to kill the
"thoughtful" individual without hesitation, simply for the common good... that
is unless you consider Harley Davidson cologne (Eau de Sweat´y Bikér anyone?)
to be as we say, "The Sh*t, Y'all!" ... no kidding, I wouldn't have been
surprised to find "Gas, Grass, Or Ass - No Free Rides" bumper stickers still in
demand at some of these truck stops we visit...
But we actually ate at Grandma's Kitchen across the street...
Grandma's Kitchen... where do I begin? How about "I've yet to get a meal fit
for human consumption there"? Paint the picture? Hmmmm? Yes?
Well you're not getting off that easy...
... ooooohhhh no... take my hand gentle reader as I lead you down the spooky
corridors of DSO history... the nasty, shameful, and undigestible parts... to
the most foul dark of darkness...
We had... eaten... *ulp* ... here before, which is why I couldn't understand
going back, but Democracy being the system it is...
Grandma's Kitchen... more like Grandmas Everywhere... the place is always
chocked with seniors picking over the dark brown lettuce of the salad bar and
the rich green meats at the "buffet" ... all I can say is "avert thine
eyes"... this and truckers who look at you like they remember stompin' your
long-haired draft-dodgin' ass back in 1970... all to a parade of country stars
on the muzak machine... this is also by the way the place that had air intakes
in the ceiling which had sucked up dirt, etc. to the grill and (again,
couldn't make this up) strongly resembled a swastika in pattern...
After tempting us with the delights of the buffet (all of us reluctantly
declining), our waitress took the beverage orders and disappeared... Scott and
I got pop, in fact every time we finished our glass the waitress seemed to
materialize, refill our glasses and vanish again... but for some reason it
took half an hour for Nej to get her cup of coffee...
Wait a minute...
Can I ask what kind of truck stop you're in that has SLOW COFFEE SERVICE? How
the hell does the place stay in business??? CB radios are still big with that
set, right? Like THAT word wouldn't spread quick...
"Break 1-9... I got a tip fer all you Rubber Duckers out there... Grandma's
ain't got no java, an' the seat in stall three is loose, watch yer trailer
approach to th' Porcelein Dock there good buddies... we-gone-BAA-BYE..."
And before anyone in the "wait staff profession" jumps me lemme just say that
I've done it... it sucks... and to be good at it is one of the toughest most
selfless positions in life to assume...
... in fact, I often thought of my time as a waiter being synonymous with
"assuming the position"... and no, I wasn't any good at it (sur-PRISE!) and I
had managed to get myself fired within a month which was ALMOST as hard as the
job itself... and oddly enough now that I think of it, this glorified Denny's
I worked in was right up the street from a retirement home and every Sunday
the cheap swine who allowed their "loved ones" to reside in the home would
bring them to...
... wow, personal revelation... I know now why I dislike Grandma's so much...
it takes me back to that job... minus the psychotic truckers and piped in
country muzak...
This poor waitress... no wonder her hair looked teased into something that
needed a clearance warning... she was probably actually pulling it out by the
roots...
Anyway, back to the rant already in progress...
I don't know WHAT I was thinking... I ordered a BLT... for an explaination of
this observation and WHY it was textbook-variety stupidity, see the
description of the salad bar and buffet above... I shant relive it again...
let's just say I didn't eat the bacon...
... or the lettuce...
... or the tomato...
... but I'd give a solid "Thumbs Up" to the mayo and wheat toast... and again,
it wasn't only me... this time everyone was somewhat disatisfied... except
Beau, who had wisely chosen the only thing anyone liked the last time we
stopped at this place... some kind of breaded chicken, the breading being
instrumental in covering the color green, I suppose...
After lunch Nej and I were milling around in front of Grandma's when this guy
walks out and in passing says:
"You two aren't from Iowa, ARE you?"
Strange thing to ask...
"Um... no... why do you ask?"
"Well, you certainly don't LOOK like Iowans... it's the hair... and (pointing
at Nej) the sweater..."
The sweater? This guy is a zone trooper, for sure... just the kind of looney
toon I love to talk to... makes for good writing material... although for a
minute I had flashes of this whole thing as a recreation on 'America's Most
Wanted'... I can hear that irritating John Walsh right now...
"... Cameron and Jennifer had NO idea that we had profiled this brutal killer
just one week before, and engaged him in some casual conversation... they were
never heard from again..."
Turns out the guy was from Vancouver B.C. and was in Iowa completing some sort
of natural gas line from Vancouver to Iowa... which is a huge waste of time
and energy, folks... just hook that pipe up to Grandma's here, third stall,
watch the seat... an' put that hammer down, good buddy... connn-vooyyyyyy...
Where was I ? Oh yeah...
Nothing much happened until we got to Shank Hall in Milwaukee... come to think
of it not much happened once we got there either because as I mentioned
before, Corso and Hazdra slept until around 1:30p and as a result didn't get
to the club until around 7:30p or so and NEITHER DID MOST OF THE EQUIPMENT as
a result... to add insult to injury they got lost once they hit town as
well...
...so we passed the time watching a documentary on the excesses of Motley
Crue...
... no, really... on VH-1 no less...
The rest of the band finally showed up and we got set up pretty quickly... and
sound check went pretty easily... in the words of Alfred E. Neuman, "What, Me
Worry?"
The show was 5/18/77, and that means Lisa, folks! The show opened with a
rolling "Deal", but the definite high points of the first set had to be the
"Jack A Roe" which was done with sort of a Latin feel circa 1976 versions,
"Lazy Lightnin'>Supplication" which was vocally the best rendition yet
(sometimes Mike gets a bit flustered with the words... this is a tough tune to
sing and play, folks) and a nice mellow "High Time" which the band doesn't
play too often... oh, and let's not forget the set closer of "Music Never
Stopped"... when Lisa cuts loose on the 'There's a band out on the highway'
line I get the chills every time... so did the rest of the crowd, she got the
biggest cheers of the night...
The last time we played Shank Hall, there were only about 80 people there due
to the fact that Phish was in Chicago and Blues Traveler were playing across
town at the Enormo-Dome or some-such... but tonight I'm looking at a full room
of people... and when this room is full, the PA is fantastic, but getting
anywhere is another story... Bathroom? Forget it... Band Room? Don't be
daft...
The second set opened with "Jack Straw" to rousing approval, a lilting "Ship
of Fools", then "Estimated>Eyes" lifted every last person in the room onto
their feet... after the drummers knocked the dust out of the suspended ceiling
for a little while and then Hazdra dropped the bomb, releasing a furious
"Other One" on the crowd... I love it when the band plays it like that...
"Stella Blue" let everyone breathe again, with a nice solo by John and a nice
crap-out by Maraat's amp... during "Around & Round" it took a dive again,
coming back just in time for the big finish... and the encore of "Brokedown"
was sweet... the elective was "Box of Rain", with a great cheer for our own
Phil, Mike Hazdra as he belted the last line "Such a long long time to be
gone, and a short time to be there...".
That's how it feels when gigs go like this... all of a sudden, it's over...
four hours? where did it go?
Thanks to all the folks who came out that night, I do believe we'll be gettin'
"Shanked" again...
COMING SOON: The proper way to say "Louisville", Bad Directions, A Stabbing,
The Late Dark Star Orchestra, and MORE #&@*! FOG... Y'all Come Back Now,
Y'Hear?