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Dateline: Crystal Ballroom, Portland, OR, 8/11/99; Show 204

On our way up to Oregon we had to stop and walk through the redwoods... 

They're pretty big... ever seen one?

We stopped at one of several national forests we saw and hiked about a mile 
or so into the woods (on a trail, of course) and found several of these giant 
buggers... 

One of the big issues out here is lumber companies and their "harvesting" of 
some of these huge beauties... there was even a lumber yard at the exit for 
this park... and while we were walking through these woods with wild ferns 
and moss growing over the trees I had a question...

How can you look at these trees that have been growing forever and say "Oh 
yeah... GOTTA cut THAT down"?

I realize that 'the paper I wipe my... nose... with comes from SOMEWHERE' and 
all the other "anti-tree-hugging" arguments I've heard over the years but we 
don't need to be cutting these forests down. Besides, the lumber companies 
call it "harvesting"... but doesn't harvesting somewhat imply gathering in a 
crop that was sown by the farmer?

Do The Math:

Last I checked, no human being has lived longer than around one-hundered nine 
years of age, and they didn't work for the lumber industry (that I know 
of)... but them trees is a whole lot older, I reckon... 

So these trees aren't ours to cut down.

On the other hand, people have to make a living and seemingly no one is safe 
because Rob likes Pop Tarts... 

While we were on the redwood trail we engaged ourselves in Banana Slug 
spotting... you can't see them until you've seen your first one, then you 
realize these things are EVERYWHERE and that you've probably been stepping in 
them like spit on a New York sidewalk...

I'm sorry... What's the deal with Rob and Pop Tarts you ask? Well... He likes 
his Pop Tarts...

On the radio yesterday we heard that the giant of breakfast cereal Kellogg's 
is closing one of it's Battle Creek, MI. plants, meaning five hundred people 
will be out of a job... I think it's low of any corporation to carve out the 
little guys to keep the people at the top seeing a prosperous year, and I 
think our Drummer Rob is responsible... experts report that they believe "the 
decline in cereal sales is directly linked to toaster-oriented breakfast 
products gaining in popularity..."

Rob, the heartless bastard, bought a box of Pop Tarts this morning and was 
offering them around the van but none of us accepted... 

Now... where was I?

So we were on our way to Oregon for a couple of shows... the plan was to get 
to the hotel just outside of Eugene, drop off our stuff, drive up to Portland 
and do the show, and come back south to do the two shows at The Wild Duck in 
Eugene, and then move on up north to Seattle...

Touring doesn't always make perfect sense, does it? But that's the way the 
venues were available so that's what we'd do.

The Crystal Ballroom is another venue on this tour with a long colorful 
history involving the Grateful Dead. It was opened in late January of 1914 
and was originally named Cotillion Hall... oddly, this was a time of 
anti-dancing hysteria in Portland, where the mambo or anything with a wiggle 
to it might get you thrown in the hoo-skow... it's a huge, high-ceilinged 
ballroom on the third floor of the building and it has a floating dance 
floor...

The way this thing works is pretty cool... there's a layer of maple floor 
boards, under that there are a series of rockers like on a rocking chair. On 
each end of the rockers there are ball bearings which the floor sits on... 
essentially what this does is make the floor have a very fluid up and down 
movement when you walk or bounce on it and reportedly it can be adjusted with 
a ratchet to suit various dance styles... the guy who built it built three 
more in Chicago, Los Angeles, and New York... but the Crystal Ballroom is the 
only one remaining today...

On the left wall of the place as you're facing the stage there are HUGE 
windows which they draw curtains over during the show (which is helpful to my 
job) and they run a divider down the center of the room creating a moat 
between the drinking and non-drinking crowds which was much more 
aesthetically pleasing than cloistering the drinkers into the balcony or the 
cyclone fence disturbance of the last all-ages show in Ft. Collins...it also allowed me to 
freely walk the width of the room and check the PA... 

Speaking of the PA and the Grateful Dead - 

The Crystal Ballroom held (amongst other things) Soul and R&B shows from '59 
to '65 with the likes of James Brown, The Coasters, Etta James, B.B. King, 
Wilson Pickett, Ike & Tina Turner Revue and a slew of others, then from 1967 
to 1968 - a scant eighteen months - it began it's short run as "the Fillmore 
of the Northwest"... bands such as Big Brother & The Holding Company, Buffalo 
Springfield, Steve Miller, the Grateful Dead, Frank Zappa & The Mothers of 
Invention, B.B. King (who's probably scheduled to play there THIS year) and 
my personal-favorite names: The Electric Prunes and Strawberry Alarm Clock... 
all sailed through The Crystal, spiking kool aid and ringing ears of the 
rain-soaked flower children of the Northwest... right after that period ended 
the doors were shut and remained that way until the current owners re-opened 
it in 1997.

The PA in the place was great... the console was completely clean and 
immaculately kept, the outboard effects, etc. were quiet and the main 
speakers were sold off from the Dead's touring PA after Jerry died...

I liked mixing in the Crystal. I liked it a WHOLE LOT...

Sound check was "Bertha" and it went pretty well... the room was a bit boomy 
but nothing a whole mess o' folks wouldn't cure. We retired to the band room, 
which was very comfortable and overseen by a great girl named Nan... Nan made 
sure we had everything we wanted from the minute we got in there, making sure 
the juice was fresh, ice was cold, towels were, well, there... and getting 
everyone's meal orders correct (which at fourteen people can get tough)... 
this was treatment on a par with the Fillmore I gotta say... 

We were quite relaxed when showtime finally rolled around, and the band gave 
over seven-hundred Portland freaks a night of dancing on a floating floor...

The night's show, 9/23/82 from Vetrans Memorial Coliseum in Hew Haven CT. 
kicked off with "Alabama Getaway" and it ripped the Crystal wide open... I 
also liked "Rooster" that night and "Althea"... during which I walked all 
over the room and even down-front via the afformentioned "moat"... 

The second set was the killer of the night... five songs before "Drumz" and 
five songs after... the "Lost Sailor>Saint of Circumstance" was expected for 
awhile by the crew and they finally got it in spades... "Throwin' Stones" was 
a nice early version (but not nearly as nice as the one in Eugene the next 
night), "The Wheel" made yet ANOTHER appearence... and I colored outside the 
lines and used delays on Mike's vocals during "The Other One"...

The filler that night was "Pocky Way"... AGAIN... but it was rowdy and fun 
and the crowd got a little Brent-sound to send them home...

The Crystal Ballroom was another true highlight of the tour for me and I 
think for the whole band... it was definitely a great show and hopefully the 
good people of Portland will have us back...

... by the way, I wonder what the floor setting is for the Hippie Noodle 
Dance... seems like it was set just about right...

COMING SOON: Smoke Machines & Fire Alarms, Old Friends, and Two Nights At The 
Wild Duck... Tune in next time!