Wed. night I get off work and apply the Musician's
Theory Of Laundry ("I got a few bucks, and what the heck I need new drawers
an' socks anyway", screw the launderette, 'Montgum'ry Wardz' here I come)...
so after I get done 'packing' (HELL ITZ ALREADY FOLDED AN' SHIT! Sorry, mom) I
head down to DSSB and have a riotous-good time... going home before I have "too
much fun" so'z I can get on better than last week (See "Hangovers &
Scott's Driving: Not Your Problem, etc." due out in paperback soon)...
I wake up Thursday morning, barely... (guess it ain't
the intoxicants that I have a hard time with, I'm now leaning towards my mom's
theory that it's actually SUNLIGHT) and call Scott because I know he will be
startled if not full-on impressed I'm awake at this hour...
He is neither startled NOR impressed...
Bullwinkle (Cameron): "Watch Me Pull A Rabbit
Outa My Hat!"
Rocky (Scott): "Aaa-gaaaaaiiiiinnnnn?"
(Only, of course, that I've NEVER pulled this sort of
'rabbit' from my hat before.)
"...what the HELL do I have to do to gain the
respect I deserve from this band?" I thought to myself...
"Well, showering and stuff MIGHT help" was
the response...
I only had about 20 min. to get it together and as I
get older and drink more beer, there's more of me to wash...
...uh... hope you weren't eating when you read
that...
Anyway, off to Ames IO and People's Bar & Grill
We get rolling in the usual fashion: Ten minutes of
the "Where The Hell We Gonna Fit THIS?" Game, followed by slogging
through traffic... after a bit we are on the way at warp speed and the jokes,
light-hearted jibes, and down- right cold attacks begin in force, survival of
the fittest... Jen (aka Nej) and Beau are immediately singled out by the pack
and jabbed at relentlessly as they are at least slightly "under the weather"...
Jen also remembers just why it is a girl should NEVER ride with a bunch of guys
with no female support troops... I'll leave your imagination to fill in the
rest, but I will say that Beau swears like a sailor... of course, Jen having the
mouth of a Teamster, Beau was quickly put in his place and the rest of us
applauded in admiration...
If you've ever been west of the airport, you know
that after awhile it turns to corn... and I'm pretty sure it stays that way
until the outskirts of LA begin... least-ways that's all I seen, ahyuh! No shit
(sorry mom) you'd think the country was owned by that Redenbacher freak and his
microwave-poppable empire (anyone else notice the guy's head LOOKS like a popped
kernel of corn?)... So after looking at the stalks rush by, we again turn on
each other for amusement, not noticing the gleaming craft in the distance...
Once we cross into Iowa, we see more corn, as well as our feet falling asleep,
kinda like if you sit on the can too long... AND DON'T LOOK SO INNOCENT... you
KNOW you've done it... anyway, we notice an odd blot in the sky... weird
shape... but my point is that like an Olympic team, Beau, Jen, and I have begun
to sense each other's moves to try and regain feeling below the waist and are
now perfectly in synch with each other... when one buttock shifts, the other
five shift in a delicate heinie dance... in fact, I'm optioning the "Heinie
Ballet" or "Buttock Lake" to Broadway after the trip, so
impressive was the intuitive nature of the performance... young and old alike
will delight to my "Buttocks"... *cough*... where was I? OH...
...So this thing is hovering over the road in the
distance... just so we all don't look totally nuts, we decide to call it a
UFO... after all, if we ALL report it we can't possibly look stupid, backwoods,
unschooled, or glued to Sculley's hip (let me NOT go there, the temptation is
too great)... it performed tricks like changing a billboard into gibberish (SOME
feat there!) and then it landed at a distant sight... we assumed it HAD to be
part of some plot for world domination or at least a spot on "Regis &
Kathy Lee" (only because Geraldo has gone... *cough* "legit" and
Montel is lost to all of us)... needing gas, we stopped at the nearest "Kum
& Go" (I COULDN'T make that up) gas station, where we ALL buy lighters
bearing the name... giggling like Beavis & Butthead all the way, I might
add... HEY, WE WERE BORED!!!
After more corn-view, we finally roll into town and
pull up in front of People's... This place is a music/sports club set up rather
like Martyrs' only a bit smaller and I look over the immediately obvious PA...
it's good stuff which I won't bore you with as you could care less, but suffice
it so say I'm feeling better about the place already... The house engineer isn't
due for another hour so the band sets up and Dave and I speculate on the monitor
& house system (which is what engineers talk about excitedly instead of
girls...). We order dinner and kick back, everyone's nose pressed either into
the paper reading a somewhat incorrect overview of what it is the DSO actually
does in the daily paper (we're into our own press, 'specially when it ain't
totally accurate - file us under "easily amused") or the Cubs game on
the tube... the house guy shows up and informs us there aren't enough stands,
etc. to get the job done... there goes taping, as all our equipment gets pressed
into service to get the show on... soundcheck is fairly painless, and I get a
decent starting mix, then we retire to let the Cubs lose... normally, I'd go
into a play-by-play of the sets here, but the only standout I can report on was
a VERY spooky "China Doll"... it was slow and ominous and I loved it
every inch of the way... the encore was "The Weight" with Mike Hazdra
valiantly tackling his verse SANS MONITOR OF ANY KIND (harder than it sounds,
folks) and then the boy went on and did "Tom Thumb Blues" for the
elective... I felt especially good about the song as it validated setting up his
@$#*! vocal mic... monitor or no...
We pack up immediately because we have hotel rooms in
Iowa City (some 2 hrs. away) and we can't wait for the free cable...
... ok, the REAL reason was that Scott had a six-er
of Bell's at the rooms as we had stopped on the way to secure accommodations (I
never said this would be presented in a LINEAR fashion... after all, it IS my
memory we're dealing with here)... so after loading the vehicles and buying
every available pizza slice from the "Slice & Soda" next door to
the club, we saddled up and got to "Chez 6" for the evening...
COMING SOON: Nature-Film Porn, My Poor Choice Of
Sleeping Space, "Meet Me In The Weight Room", The Mrs. B's Invasion,
and Canopy Club Follies... stick around, y'all!