Ok, so this isn't technically a "Road" Rash (Scott suggested "Home Rash"), but
the tale warranted telling in my opinion... I hope I'm not wrong in that
opinion like I was when I voted for Dukakis for president...
Because Mickey Hart was playing at the Riviera, I mean the Park West, we have
a late start tonight so that a few of the guys can go to see the show as well
as our crowd being able to catch us afterwards... showtime being 7pm-ish for
Mickey I'm asked to show up around 4:30pm for soundcheck...
...we never actually GET a soundcheck, but I'm getting to that... grab some
earth and stay awhile...
... I get to Martyrs' at 4:35p and John is already set up. Good so far... I
get the stage cleaned up a bit... the usual... and band members begin to float
in... we are to have a guest percussionist sit in tonight, I'm told... ah, but
WHO???
"OK... what am I setting up for this?" I ask...
...not one of these chimps knows... so in true engineer fashion I decide to
wing it (LIKE I HAVE A @$#%*!!! CHOICE)... it could be Mickey or it could be
Deon (one of the drummers from Wingnut)... smart money is on the latter, I
figger'd... I guess I just couldn't see Mickey wanting to walk into a bar to
be ravaged by loaded Deadheads... anyway, the true terror of Mickey's possible
arrival readily becomes evident in the fact that the stage becomes DRUM-
WORLD... there was more shit to hit with sticks than a pinata factory
warehouse and I'm running out of stands, mics, and basic human understanding
FAST... but I truly love Corso and Ahmer so I shut up and do my job... Dave
helps me pin out the stage, bless his lil' heart and idle hands, and after a
very basic line check John takes off for the Planet Drum show with my
assurance that all is well...
...have I mentioned that I'm a big dumb animal?
We found that there was a low frequency buzz (or "hum", if you will) in one
side of the PA that accordin' to Uncle Ray "wasn't there last night"... fan-
frickin'-tastic... and after mucho fiddling with various aspects of the PA, we
are forced to concede that... are you ready for this?
"There's something wrong."
All of our combined experience, training, and intuition led us... uh... to
that scientific assessment. I can almost HEAR your eyes widen at the
conclusion we so painstakingly came up with...
... did I call the drummers "chimps"? I'd love to discuss the topic but my
foot tastes SOOO good right now I'm just gonna have to get back to y'all on
that one... never talk wit' yo' mouth full...
After eating dinner I tried to get a wink or two in the band room but couldn't
as there was some sort of band that still thinks Primus is cool recording in
the studio adjacent to the band room... so I'm doomed to wander Martyrs' until
showtime like the ghost of Chevy Chase's talk show... wailing and moaning and
not one viewer cares...
This is when the fun began in earnest...
We're all sitting in the band room being serenaded by ham-fisted-out-of-tune
bass and drums when the news comes up that the toilets are no longer
functional...
...no, not only are they not functional, they're REVERSING...
... for those of you not up on health codes, this shit (literally, sorry mom)
ain't good for business... so Uncle Ray gets on the horn with the city (as it
seems to be happening in other bars on the block) and we decide that we best
get the show on before we get shut down... Hell In A Bucket indeed...
The first set was filled with intricate hand signals by various band
members... no, we weren't signing for the hearing-impaired... we were doing
soundcheck in front of an audience... and to the untrained eye this stuff is
more confusing than a drunk third base coach...
...by the way, allow me to introduce myself... I'm The Untrained Eye...
...Mike needs more of Scott's vocal, Mark needs more of his drum pads, John is
hearing some low-end feedback, Scott needs more of Mike's guitar, Mike needs
more of John's vocal and more of Scott's keys, Mark needs still more pads,
Scott needs less of John's vocals and more of Ahmer's kick and snare, Mike
needs more of his vocal, and I'm pretty sure Hazdra is waving me past third
towards home plate...
...either that or the fruit fly problem is back...
By the end of the first set I'm winded... Note To Self: A proper soundcheck is
MANDATORY FROM NOW ON...
But in all fairness, the "Let It Grow" closer is thunderous in it's
presentation and we hit the break, still with no functional plumbing... people
are walking up the block to The Grizzly (a local bar unaffected by the back-up
problem) to use the can until the bartenders there get wind of what's going on
and literally lock the doors... where folks were going after that staggers the
imagination...
Second set begins with a "China Cat>Rider" and a great "Estimated" to follow
where I can finally mess around with my delay (we're out of the 70's!
WoooHoo!!!), which Mike takes full advantage of... "Don' worry 'bout me no-o-
o-o-o-o-ooooo..." and a lately rare "Eyes" into Drumz...
At this point Deon gets onstage and everyone comments on how Mickey "REALLY
seems to have let himself go"... this was one of the more interesting Drumz at
Martyrs' lately, however... and after playing everything in DRUM-WORLD so-as
not to make me regret setting up all the mics, Space coasted into "Goin' Down
The Rd...", never one of my favorites but the crowd always gets nutz when it
comes around... "Miracle", then a "Mr. Fantasy" that proved the dominance of
the B3 organ uber alles...
The elective was "Bid You Goodnight" and it fit with the evening... "Take Your
Rest"... kinda like the band was telling people "Go Home, Your Toilets Work
There"... but as our ever-on-the-case bartender and Spiritual Guru To The Band
Toast observed, the fact that everyone stayed in the face of adversity (no
toilets, problematic sound, etc.) is a true testament to the love for the
music and the six guys currently bringin' it to 'em once a week like
clockwork...
...come to think of it, with no toilets and problematic sound, perhaps we
shoulda done a Soldier Field show tonight...
In any event, we got the job done and nobody lost an eye, so according to my
mom's parameters, it's still funny...
To Quote Scott, PEAS... and to quote m'self, See Ya 'Round The Playground,
Folks!
I wonder how the plumbing is in Madison? Hmmmm.....