Let me put it this way: My day started with a hearty breakfast of Reese's
Peanut Butter Sticks and a can of sewer runoff claiming to be iced coffee... I
will never stray from Starbuck's Iced Coffees again (more on coffee later if
memory and notes serve correctly)...
We're on our way to Ames again, several weeks after the last gig, and now all
the leaves have fallen... add to this a grey brooding sky and you have Fall in
the midwest... it's so cheery and festive I want to get that deer rifle my
folks gave me last Christmas and see if I can suck a bullet down the barrel...
...but when would I find the time? These #@%$*! musicians keep me too busy...
We're a bit late hitting the road (about 40 minutes), and once we get into
western Illinois I start to notice the skeletal look of the trees and the
bland landscape reaching up to a dull grey sky... the whole damned state out
there needs a SERIOUS lick of paint, I think... no wonder today's youth aspire
to get off the farm, there's no bright colors, just flaking white paint and
rusted steel roofs...
...perhaps if the dress style were a bit flashier and the hours weren't quite
so long, the work not so monotonous, and the pay so shi-
... hmmm... wait... I think I've stumbled onto something here...
...and here I thought it was the paint... but if you think it through...
...if you get rid of the peeling barn part, it sounds rather like what we do
for a living, I guess... drab duds, monotony, no cash... I think the judges
rule that we have a match here!
Where was I? Oh yeah...
So I pass the time watching high-tension lines trail off into the distance,
studying the change in perspective as we pass under them... we finally get to
the banks of the Mississippi and Scott, Ahmer, Beau, and I all sing the intro
to "Old Man River" unprompted...
...yes, we should all be publicly beaten... no argument there...
But just into the Iowa boarder, I saw a sign which read "IOWA WELCOME
CENTER"... under which was a sign in smaller print which read "Semis Not
Permitted"...
...some welcome... luckily, none of us had semis...
Right about then we saw the UFO again... seriously... same place as last time
too... gotta get a picture of it next time for the website... and the Weekly
World News, come to think of it... oh, and the speeding house...
Scott had a hard time passing the house because it was doing about 75 mph...
the aerodynamics of a house are NOT meant for top speeds, ask Dorothy when she
gets back... none-the-less there it was, barreling west at an alarming speed,
Scott having to almost ride the left shoulder to keep out of it's dangerously
lurching path...
Around 4:30p the skies are clear, there's a beautiful sunset, and I took over
driving for Scott...
My first attempt of the trip to loosen everyone's bowels collectively is to
perform a daring 2 1/2 lane change sans signal cutting off a custom van to
make the exit for route 35 from the left lane which made everyone in the Jeep
closer to their god I'm sure... and Jeff Gordon eat your heart out... needless
to say everyone was WIDE AWAKE after that little stunt and Scott re-thought
his "Ask Cameron To Drive" campaign... beautiful sunset, the only problem I
have with it is that we're driving DIRECTLY INTO IT... after the sun goes down
it takes another hour to stop seeing spots...
When we get to People's Scott does his ritual which is to pick up every piece
of local print and read it THOROUGHLY. I mean the man reads EVERYTHING... He's
not disappointed when his scanning turns up a true gem - In the "Tonight"
listing of the Iowa State Daily's entertainment page we read:
"...former Freddy Jones Band keyboardist SCOTT LARNED brings his Dark Star
Orchestra to People's tonight..."
Like I need this.
But seriously, I think Scott was more amused by this latest erroneous Iowa
press than the rest of us...
...at least we thought so until we saw the new "Scott Larned & the Dark Star
Orchestra" handbills, posters, tour books, t-shirts, sweat shirts, underwear,
key rings, bottle openers, long-sleeve shirts, BBQ aprons, sports bras, cup
holders, holiday dickies, knee socks, skillets, and Guatemalan money with his
face on it...
...I'm sure it's just a phase...
Sound check was extremely fast this time around, having been in the room
before, and we kick back in the UNHEATED band room upstairs for a few until we
start losing feeling in our limbs and we have to go back down to the bar...
The show was good, with a killer opening "Shakedown" and a hot "Scarlet>Fire,
Estimated>Terrapin"... the crowd was substantially larger this time out and I
have hopes for the place in the future... the band does sound pretty good in
this room, we just need to prove ourselves to the good folks in Iowa...
Side Note: As the bar was emptying out, this black guy came in waving his
wallet (with some sort of badge in it) claiming to be a Federal Agent
screaming at everyone to "Get the F- OUT!" over and over... at which point
Mike Maraat gestures at him and says "Eddie Murphy, everyone... Eddie
Murphy..." and the place cracked up... to which this guy responded (laughing
himself) "I'm gonna go get my GUN..." and he and his buddy ran out, laughing
their asses off...
After the show we got packed up and drove to our usual digs in Iowa City...
headed back to the comfy confines of Champaign and the Canopy...